Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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