I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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