drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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