Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
