Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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