I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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