Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize