that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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