I checked into jail on foursquare
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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