My room smells like vodka and shame
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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