I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize