I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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