Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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