I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize