you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
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