So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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