Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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