i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize