i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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