so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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