Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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