the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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