Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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