I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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