And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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