just come out here and I will go home with you...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize