So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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