I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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