my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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