pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize