Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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