I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize