I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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