sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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