the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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