i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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