I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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