my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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