its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
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Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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