The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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