just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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