I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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