I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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