your thong is hanging out like whoa
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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