You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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