Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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