Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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  (805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn
  Replies (11) Good night (2443) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer

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  (734): Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer http://tfl.nu/g808
  Replies (14) Good night (651) Bad night (3095) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest

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  (519): He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest http://tfl.nu/yyal
  Replies (47) Good night (1377) Bad night (5610) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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  (704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf
  Replies (54) Good night (3576) Bad night (2512) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

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  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7895) Bad night (1105)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

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  (301): please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now http://tfl.nu/10rh
  Replies (58) Good night (1150) Bad night (12997) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya

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  (507): I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya http://tfl.nu/oizi
  Replies (22) Good night (4066) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring

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  (765): i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring http://tfl.nu/hl5v
  Replies (13) Good night (887) Bad night (5832) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.

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  (973): That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this. http://tfl.nu/9yd7
  Replies (10) Good night (1898) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons

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  (203): I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons http://tfl.nu/atte
  Replies (5) Good night (2755) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.

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  (484): you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out. http://tfl.nu/twgf
  Replies (3) Good night (1837) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

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  (520): There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in. http://tfl.nu/msb5
  Replies (7) Good night (2798) Bad night (691)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes

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  (334): If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes http://tfl.nu/khy3
  Replies (7) Good night (2168) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair

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  (216): I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair http://tfl.nu/q3gk
  Replies (6) Good night (612) Bad night (1446) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.

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  (916): I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly. http://tfl.nu/j9zm
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt

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