You're so nebulous sometimes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize