I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize