Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize