A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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